Rainy Day in Heaven

Out of zero volume exploded a universe, expanding at the speed of light.The universe is not infinite, like is commonly thought, but a perfect sphere with edges growing at the speed of light. And outside the edge of the universe there's no time and no space-only a void. "And on the seventh day, He rested."
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Fifteen billion years later, I, Joseph Richard Poett Jr., the center of the universe, am conceived, and three years later, I'm battling to hold back the weighty door of a department store pay toilet...