Böcker av Todd Howey

I sent out an email to a large number of coaches several years ago asking them to answer one simple question. "What is the one thing you want parents to know?"After reading the responses from over 175 coaches, I was able to capture the spirit of their answers in what I felt was not one thing, but 5 THINGS. You may not agree with all I have written in this book. I am using my experiences as a former collegiate and professional athlete, a parent of athletes, a high school coach, a collegiate coach at the D-I, D-II and D-III level, and 20 plus years of serving as an Athletic Director at some of the largest and most athletically successful school districts in the State of Texas. I am almost certain there is nothing in this book that is going to surprise any parents. It offers common sense on acting like an adult when dealing with coaches and game officials, plus specific tips on what you can expect to experience as a parent. Although very tough at times, allowing your child to learn valuable life lessons by encouraging them to work through adversity on their own may be the most important 'THING" of them all. Coaches are not perfect; they are going to call the wrong play, forget to call a timeout, play the wrong kid, and get confused, possibly all in the same game! In my 20 plus years of being an Athletic Director, it would be a lie for me to say that I never witnessed a coach handle a kid poorly. There will be times when a coach says something they should not have said; or does something they should not have done. It is going to happen. As a parent you need to determine how you will manage it when it involves your child. Coaching is tough, but not near as tough as parenting. I recognize that fact, and that is why I wrote this book. In athletics, your child will be presented with many situations such as adversity, humility, perseverance, sacrifice, uncertainty, commitment, failure, success, disappointment, victory, and defeat. As a parent, what role will you play, not if but when, those situations come.

When I began my career as an Athletic Director in 2000, I started the practice of writing an email to my coaches every Monday calling it "Thought of The Week." The goal was to simply encourage coaches, offer hope and possibly provide a few ideas to help them build their programs. Unconditional Coaching is a partial collection of those emails, providing you with one lesson for each week of the year (52). I certainly do not know it all, and many of these lessons come from mistakes that I made personally as a coach, so learn from them if you can. Some things you may agree with, some you may not, even still, take a little time once a week to think creatively, and challenge yourself in becoming better. Coaching is a great profession, and to say coaches shape America is not an understatement. Coaches have the unique opportunity to influence an athlete's life in the most dramatic ways that can last a lifetime. The most meaningful coaches are the ones that coach unconditionally, by not letting wins and losses get in the way of putting kids first. I made multiple mistakes as a coach, and to this day I still have regret in the way I handled some situations and players. I pulled stunts that coaches are getting fired for today, but you live and learn. All I do know for certain is that my intent was sincere at the time, and that is the best I can do in explaining it. I hope you enjoy the lessons, they all come from my experiences as a coach, Athletic Director, parent, spouse, son, athlete, and a humble member of the human race. Remember, never correlate a coach's win/loss record or title to the level of influence they can have on their players. Some of the most significant coaches in kids' lives never became a head coach or won a State Championship. Regardless of where you are coaching today, you have the opportunity to influence lives. Although winning is much more enjoyable than losing, focus on building champions first, and your career will be full of success. Without question, the most sustaining victories in this business will never appear in a W/L/ record, but they certainly do count. It is possible that you can become the most positive and significant influence in a kid's life, what other profession can boast that? Win or lose, influence is going to happen. Don't take that lightly.

The greatest piece of advice ever given to me is this simple statement. "You have got to be the same person up or down." It is a pretty basic statement, but it rings loud and clear in life. A true sign of maturity is when you can be the same type of person when things are going bad as you are when things are going good. It takes no courage whatsoever to be an encouraging and positive person when everything in your life is going well. It is when you are stuck in a losing skid that you can't seem to get stopped when people see your true colors. The way you treat others after losing a big business deal should be no different than how you would treat them after landing one. There is nothing worse than working for, or with, someone you know is going to show up to work upset and angry because things did not go their way. Even worse, imagine waiting for that person to get home not knowing what to expect. I once worked for a coach whose family would basically hide from him after he came home from coaching a game that his team had lost. It was like "ok, everyone hide from dad because he is not going to be in a good mood, we need to give him his space." That reeks of immaturity, but I have done it! There is an old saying in baseball that you should always leave the game between the lines. In other words, don't take it home with you. What happens at work, should stay at work, and just because things didn't go well for you that day does not give you the right to take it out on those that had nothing to do with it. When I was coaching, I did on occasion take a loss home with me. I would snap at my kids and walk around the house feeling sorry for myself. Well, that lasted about one time because my boy's mother was not about to put up with that nonsense and nor should you. I learned there was "no money" in that type of selfish behavior. I was only trying to drag others into my shallow despair in hopes they might join me in feeling sorry for myself. It takes work to learn that your self-worth is not tied to a job, performance, or any award. Self-worth is tied to how you treat others. No doubt there will be times in life when you are disappointed, bummed out, or even a bit depressed after a rough day, event, or a stretch of time. None of us are exempt from that. However, I am one to believe that you will not get the support and encouragement you are needing if you treat others the exact way you do not want to be treated. All you are doing is doubling your disappointment by passing it on to others. You might get pity, but where is the value in that? In life, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but even still people are much more important than wins and losses. Being a S.P.U.D. allows freedom for relationships to blossom. Plus, it is absolutely no fun to be around a person that is on an emotional roller coaster all of the time. If those around you know you will be there for them come rain or shine, you will become great in their eyes, a rock. You will be considered as someone who can be consistently leaned on, thus dividing their sorrow, and doubling their joy. You need examples of what a S.P.U.D. looks, sounds, and acts like; this book are of some of mine and how I remember them, along with referencing a few of the greatest leaders of all time. My S.P.U.D.'s include farmers, teachers, artists, coaches, bosses, custodians, family members, secretaries, and even my dog. The personal stories I share in this book are about imperfect people that demonstrated perfect unconditional love and support to me in my life. As I look back now, it was the right person at the right time, and I am forever grateful. Normal people just being who they are and caring enough about me to invest their life into mine. We all can be a S.P.U.D. to others, no special talent or training is required.